查看完整版本: Why I had to unlearn lessons from my Asian-American upbringing

Why I had to unlearn lessons from my Asian-American upbringing

Why I had to unlearn lessons from my Asian-American upbringing
[url]http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1242297[/url]

CNN PRODUCER NOTE     adriennelo was 'personally brought up with the value of “work twice as hard as everyone else and don’t complain” and as a consequence used to be the stereotypical quiet Asian girl. It’s been a real journey to learn to believe in my voice, and now that I’ve found my voice, I’d like to use it in a meaningful way.'
- hhanks, CNN iReport producer

The annual media spotlight on Ivy League acceptances may have passed, but anxiety remains for many Asian-American high school students and their parents.  Often, parents expect that their offspring’s perfect scores and overloading of AP classes should necessarily translate into a coveted spot at a top university.

Many of these parents also believe that the system is biased against Asian-Americans, and the federal lawsuit filed against Harvard alleging that the university’s “holistic” process for reviewing applicants is discriminatory would have us believe the same.  The lawsuit focuses primarily on the statistic that admitted Asian-Americans have a higher average SAT score than other admitted students.  However, as a Yale grad and alumni admissions interviewer, I completely agree that academics should only be part of the equation.

Selective colleges are open about the fact that they consider qualities such as intellectual curiosity and leadership potential in making their decisions.  And as they should – it is unlikely for someone to leave a mark on society just because of good test scores and even less so if parental pressure was the primary source of motivation.

We are all aware of the tiger parent stereotype of Asian-American parents applying immense pressure on their children to excel academically.  This often occurs at the expense of developing confidence, personal interests, and leadership skills.  While this sole focus on academics may work in Asia where college entrance is entirely exam-based, this emphasis holds Asian-Americans back.

I can relate to this experience personally.  Growing up, I was taught by my immigrant father that I needed to work twice as hard as my non-Asian counterparts in order to be recognized.  In addition, a good Chinese daughter was not supposed to complain or question authority.

In middle school, when he expressed his disappointment in me after a teacher commented that I needed to speak up in class, I seethed – silently of course.  How was I supposed to assert myself in school when I was discouraged from voicing myself at home?  In conversations with my peers as well as with today’s Asian-American youth, many echo similar experiences.

In high school, aware that I had to find experiences outside of the home to develop confidence, I sought to break out of my shell and explore my interest in social issues by participating in an election campaign and interning with government representatives.  I am certain this experience helped me gain admission to Yale as selective colleges want students to show authentic interest in more than academics and in something greater than themselves.

The journey to find my voice has continued since then and has been both challenging and rewarding.  In the workplace, I have become keenly aware that usually it is not the hardest working that gets promoted – rather, advancement generally goes to those perceived as having leadership attributes.  I acknowledge that biases exist and are a problem.  But the uncomfortable reality is that many Asian-Americans, while generally highly educated and technically strong, struggle with leadership skills due to cultural factors.

No one has ever questioned my mathematical abilities or work ethic, but I sometimes find myself battling the quiet Asian worker stereotype.  To combat this stereotype, Asian-Americans need to confront cultural barriers and ensure that their children develop the range of skills associated with leadership.  These skills will empower Asian-American youth for the long-run in a way that no math camp, SAT score, or even fancy college degree possibly can.

Although sometimes I come across articles that point to the under-representation of Asian-Americans in leadership positions as evidence that companies need to provide more training and leadership opportunities for Asian-Americans, I believe the responsibility should rest primarily on parents.  As a starting point, Asian-American parents should stop single-mindedly obsessing over academic achievement.

Instead, they should encourage their children to also think critically, voice their opinions, identify their passions, and spend more time establishing relationships.  Youth who do so will not only give themselves an edge in getting into competitive colleges, but more importantly will have the skills to reach their potential in whatever they choose to pursue.

Taking on this issue has become a passion of mine, so much so that I started teaching leadership skills to middle and high school students in the Washington, DC area.  I also provide parent workshops to encourage parents to support leadership development in the home.  While some of my suggestions may seem common-sense, such as encouraging children to voice their own opinions and allowing them to select some of their activities, they require a substantial cultural shift for some parents.

I am encouraged that the local Asian-American community has been receptive to my message.  In one workshop, a parent originally from China expressed how frustrated she was when a more outspoken colleague received credit for her hard work on a recent project.  “This cannot happen to my son, to the next generation,” she stated emphatically.  I cannot agree more.

some comments

I really love the way you addressed the issue of Asian Americans' education and upbringing - an inexorable link - and the fact that parents' mindsets need altering in order to create real, positive change. As a South Asian parent myself, I am understanding more and more the need to think 'outside the box' and adapt to the VERY different world we live in today than when I was back in school. Thanks for sharing, Adrienne.

@Itlee   I graduated from Northwestern and I wanted to share that I did not feel that sentiment of feeling ashamed of being asian. Sure there are a few asians students that are closeted workaholics, but I found Asian-American students to be a large part of the community - doing extracircular activities, IM sports, and greek life.  I feel like asians-americans are slowly but surely making process in integrating with American culture and life from Linsanity to Fresh off the boat. Being smart and hard-working is nothing to be ashamed of especially when everyone else at the school is smart and hard-working.